Still Waiting For The Punchline

I want to find the water
that will wash this whole damned slate clean
break down
break up
we sleep in what we create
right now I'm living so much hate
right here my sins have all been paid
to you
your friends
and for your sake
I feel dirty and so depraved
my knees have bled to hold you here
but now I've lost the taste
for lies force fed as time well spent
and if another angel says just grin and bear it
I might be forced to smash his head against the wall
and never sin again
against myself or trust in anyone
write me off for suffering
it's a joke
I give up

Taxes And Things

Today I did my taxes. I found out to my relief that Jay and I don't owe anything this year. We're getting some money back, not much, but at least we're not owing. The money is going straight into a joint savings account we're opening. Strange to think that we don't have a joint account after seven years of being together. But, better late than never, right?

I downloaded Darby Di Natale's songs into my iPod today..my favorite song of hers right now is Demons In My Head, I listen to it over and over...She is such a talented musician and writer...I admire her so much. It must be so amazing to be part of a family that is brimming with musical talent. Jason's a great musician also, and Josh...well, just amazing. And she's such a beautiful soul as well...I'm just amazed that she's not signed to any label yet. Anyway, I hope she and Jason will flourish in LA.

Nice day out today, with a high of 62, Jason always jokes about how I'm always commenting on the weather like a weatherperson on tv. I can't help it, I hate the cold weather and I'm cold all the time anyway and I can't wait for summer to be here already. I'm not a cold weather person. The hotter the weather, the more I enjoy it. The less clothes I put on :)

Itinerary for today...taxes..check. Dinner..it's always a struggle to decide on where to eat for Jay and I, because none of us can make up our minds. We're probably the most indecisive people you'd ever care to meet, Jason's the worst. But we finally decided on Joy Yee's Noodles on Halstead. We've been there once before, and it has got the BIGGEST menu you'll ever see..there were like four pages of drinks alone, from juices to smoothies to ice cream drinks...heaven. And like ten pages of dishes. I had the best mussel dish ever, Jason had beef and broccoli, and we split a huge spicy string bean dish..heaven, just like mum used to make. The mussels I had were fat and juicy and you can't beat the price! $9.95 for a plate of dozen huge mussels...only in Asian restaurants, dude...

My Kinda Town

Summer is just around the corner, and I can't wait to rediscover this beautiful city of mine...I've lived here for 5 years, and I still haven't gone up to the top of the Sears Tower, or the John Hancock Building, for that matter. And I work there.


On the brightest day, you can see for miles from atop the building, all the way across the lake to Michigan. Why would I want to look at Michigan..hahaha..just kidding.

One of my favorite spots in the city is The Crown Fountain in Millenium Park, designed by Jaume Plensa... a sculpture which is basically two giant fountains with video images of Chicago citizens, flanking a shallow reflecting pool.. I love to sit on a bench nearby and watch kids running around in the water, just being kids. Great place to be on a hot summer day.




Hahaha...this is the best part, when every 15 minutes the video images would open their mouths and water would spout out...kids would go wild....


I love this photo of the Art Institute lion...Go Bears!!! (Not Go Lions!). That reminds me...I have to go to the Art Institute more often this summer..I miss lurking around the Miniature Rooms...how do they build all that teeny tiny furniture...That sets my imagination off..of tiny people living in those scaled-down spaces, only coming out at night when the place is deserted..hahaha I'm crazy...




The picture above is of an English Drawing Room at The Thorne Rooms (aka miniature rooms), the scale is 1 inch = 1 foot...I am not kidding...amazing workmanship, down to the smallest details..

I live in a neighborhood called Pilsen...a mostly Mexican neighborhood, but it's being crowded out by the encroaching gentrification..condos galore, springing up like wild mushrooms after the rain. It's a nice enough neighborhood, cheap rent, good restaurants, a first-class Mexican Art Museum is located here, art galleries galore, and thrift stores....we could do without the gangs though. It's cheap enough that students and struggling artists could afford to live here, but for how much longer...

A view from the corner of 18th Street and Blue Island..check out the giant that is the Sears Tower. I catch the bus here to get downtown..and from there I take the train everywhere in the city, it just costs $2.00. Or $20 for a weekly pass. No driving in this city, eh...too expensive. The CTA is the way to go.

This is a photo of an Orange Line train going towards downtown Chicago...that's the Sears Tower on the right and the slightly shorter building on the left is the John Hancock Tower (where I work).

A shot of my street...Mexican restaurants, Mexican grocery stores, the odd cafe, art galleries, corner stores, florist, just perfect. Except for the old drunks lurking outside at all hours of the day leering at young girls, gangbangers and hookers. Cop cars cruise this street every night...


This is a park close to Navy Pier, really beautiful in the summertime. Someone said that Oprah lives in that curvy building (you can't mention Chicago without mentioning Oprah... uh huh). But she doesn't live there.

But of course, there's more to Chicago than Oprah. There's this documentary on PBS that I really love where the host goes on a tour of Chicago by boat and describes the history and stories of the most amazing architectural elements of this amazing town. Chicago has it all, the best restaurants, world-class museums, beautiful parks, THE LAKEFRONT, thriving nightlife, those great water towers that are now abandoned but still look beautiful against the skyline, diverse people, everything you'd want in a city. I don't think I'd want to live anywhere else...Good ol' Chicago.




Next time I'll post this amazing shot of the skyline at night seen from the lake...just takes your breath away...But for now, I bid you adieu...


PS: Photos by JABrooks.

if by Rudyard Kipling

I came across this poem again recently, stuck to the back of one of my many notebooks.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!


--Rudyard Kipling

The Perfect Pair of Jeans

I went jeans shopping recently. The last time I did that was..ages ago...a few months ago, maybe? Now, the thing with me and jeans, I never wear anything except Levi's jeans. And there's a huge Levi's store on the Mag Mile which I frequent..quite frequently. I love the way they fit, and they have short-length jeans for short people like myself...and I can definitely pay $40 for a pair. I love dark, dark blue jeans. I can't stand really light blue ones..somehow they look white trash to me. And forget the slim fit shit, they make me look shorter that I already am. Straight leg is the way to go. So, basically, when i go jean shopping, I normally look for a dark blue, straight leg, stretchy pair of Levi's in a size 3.

I used to be able to fit into a size 0..yeeears ago, before I met Jay. Gosh, I can't even imagine that now...a size zero. What did I weigh in those days...like 98 lbs? Jay used to say that I was too skinny for his taste, and he likes me better now that I have some junk in the trunk...hahaha not too much though, just enough. I'm now about 119 lbs, which is supposedly perfect for my 5' 0" height. I don't really care about my weight, I have never been overweight and I don't really work out or go on diets, which I am thankful for...imagine worrying about watching what you put in your mouth all the time. All I need is to lose a bit around the middle, and have a flatter stomach. Even then I can't really be arsed about it.

Sooo, going back to the jeans....Levi's. Love them. Didn't think I'd ever buy other brands ever. I am so boring. But I was at Filene's Basement a while ago and saw these really cute pair of jeans, and I grabbed one in a size 25. Hahaha who am I kidding, I haven't been able to fit into a size 25 in aaaages. That's like what, a size 1? So I tried on a size 26. Couldn't even pull them past my hips. By this time I was laughing, because my deluded ass thought that I could fit into a 26. So now I know I'm a size 27. Fair enough. It's only jeans.

I'm liking these jeans by this time, right? They're Lucky Brand jeans, midrise, with a slight bootleg, a bit on the skinny side, but not too skinny. They're called Lola Boot (um..hello...good sign, seeing as it's my nom de plume...how weird is that? But pure coincidence, I'm sure..). Nice wash on it, not too light, fits perfectly on the crotch, and I like that fact that they're not too lowrise that your butt cleavage makes an appearance every time you sit down or bend over. It's a bit on the long side, but once I flip the cuffs they look pretty good. In a punk-rock kinda way. And can I just say my butt looks good in them?

And so, I got this beautiful, perfect pair of jeans. The original price tag said they were like $108 (I would have put them back down right then and there) but, being that I was at Filene's Basement I ended up paying $39.99 plus tax. What a bargain!!! damn that place...it's like crack. Filene's Basement, I love you. Where else in Chicago can you get designer stuff at bargain prices? Well, TJ Maxx maybe, or that other place whose name escapes me right now, but they can't compare. I don't place a lot of importance on material things, but once in a while, I get so happy when I go shopping. Especially when I find the perfect pair of jeans.

One Good Song

"My Life In The Knife Trade"

how many times have i noticed that our eyes hardly ever meet
from your judgment seat i can feel the anger for my very being
fill me in on when you became such a big part of my life
that i should bother with all your lies designed to bring me down
wrong again don't depend on any reaction again
i remember the icy walls that shot up from no where
and i can see every lie that you ever told yourself
you bleed me dry and i don't ask why but i'm left with the dust
judas kiss i dismiss thank you all for this i am unjudged i am
wait again i'm not through with the screaming
i contend that you've got nothing better to do
trade my life for a barrel of gold find someone else before i get too old
if i live my life for aesthetic gain will you repay me with all your shame
i can see every light inside your brain
go on every time that i walk by for noise and whispers
your comfort in my suffering is no longer disturbing
i'm lost beyond your petty stopwatch in life's real time lifes real
wait again im not through with the screaming
and i contend that you've got nothing better to do
trade my life for a barrel of gold find someone else before i get to old
if i live my life for aesthetic gain will you repay me with all your shame
don't get up i was slowly leaving the room when the door of your judgment swings back around again
maybe i'll stop to watch your act and i'll go on my way
i've seen quite enough of too many childish games
i'm ashamed of every moment that i ever gave them the time of day
all the worst of enemies are somehow always friends that used to be



On another note...my current favorite show is 24, while Heroes is on hiatus..I guess I am a bit slow when it comes to watching the latest big shows on the telly, I'd never followed Friends, or Will and Grace, or any of the other shows other people love, not even Seinfeld..strangely I never miss Senifeld now its on syndication, or 24. Now I try to catch 24, and Alias every Sunday night..strange, eh. The only channel I watch regularly is PBS.. entertaining and informative at the same time.