First Friday @ Sapere Art

(click for larger image)

Come out and support my hubs, represented by Sapere Art on First Friday, August 7, 2009! Sapere Art is located in the Flat Iron Arts Building in Wicker Park.

This Is To Inform You..

This was posted on one of my favorite blogs Waiter Rant. While I am not a waiter I do understand the frustrations of my fellow employees (I work at a restaurant) when dealing with foreign diners. Enjoy!

Many waiters, especially in these tense economic times, need every tip they can get. Unfortunately, tourists from foreign countries, unaware of American tipping customs, frequently forget to leave their server a gratuity. Martin, a server from Raleigh, North Carolina, and was recently stiffed by a large group of what he described as “very pleasant Britons.” His outrage at their behavior inspired him to write a letter to Gordon Brown, the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. I have decided to republish the letter on my blog. (Please note that Martin’s political sentiments do not necessarily reflect my own. If you wish to respond to Martin, he can be reached at milleronic[at]gmail.com.)

The Right Honourable Gordon Brown;
Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland;
First Lord of the Treasury; Minister for the Civil Service
10 Downing Street
Westminster, London, England, United Kingdom SW1A 2AA

October 12, 2008

My Dear Sir:

While it may trouble you to receive this correspondence regarding the behaviour of your delightful citizens abroad, specifically in the former colonies; now commonly known as the United States of America, I feel compelled, as a citizen of afore stated former colonies, and thereby a cousin, if you will, of the otherwise pleasant British, to inform you of some rather disturbing actions which your people engage whilst visiting or travelling this side of the Pond.

Personally I find the British charming, polite, urbane, civilised, and otherwise of a generally agreeable lot. Not having had the pleasure of personally attending an Arsenal or Manchester United football match, I leave the reputed hooliganism and accompanying rows to cultural idiosyncrasy, one not evidenced in my experience. Nevertheless, the one behaviour of your citizenry here in America of which I find the most annoying, disturbing, and ultimately maddening is the ignorance of a peculiar American cultural artefact, which manifests itself most obviously in the act of the tip. As a waiter, and one who has served the Queen’s subjects (and your constituency) on more than several occasions, and because of the vagaries of the American economic system, professional waiters in America depend wholly upon the tip, which, as I understand in Great Britain and Europe, is meant to be an extra reward for good service, due to the fact that waiters there receive a salary of liveable degree. In America, waiters receive a pittance salary, usually of an hourly nature, and far below the minimum wage, which is more often than not applied to income tax; subsequently the majority of waiters in America owe taxes at the end of the year. To put it simply: American waiters depend upon tips for their livelihood.

Mr. Brown, I urge you, if only for decency’s sake, to inform your citizens, before travelling abroad to the United States, that while dining out in a restaurant where waiters take orders and serve food, that the tip is not compulsory, but mandatory, the amount of which is meant as a level of satisfaction of service provided. Excellent service is rewarded in excess of 20% of the total cheque amount, for example, a $100 meal with excellent service deserves a $20 (or greater) tip. Average service requires a 15% tip, and poor service can be indicated with a 10% tip. Under no circumstances is it acceptable to “stiff”, or simply not tip, a waiter in America, or leave a tip under 10% (with the exception of absolutely abysmal service).

As the global economy continues to deteriorate, I can understand a certain reticence in the spending of money; however, British people in America have been displaying this ignorance for far longer than the duration of the current fiscal crisis; therefore, I can only surmise the problem stems from a lack of education of the British People, and you Sir, are the political leader of Great Britain, so this grim task must remain your responsibility, nay, your duty, for the sake of the continuing good reputation of the British abroad.

I have prevailed upon the United States Department of Homeland Security to distribute proper American Etiquette Pamphlets, including proper tip technique, an e-z Tip calculator (sponsored by Applebee’s), and common American slang terminology to all foreigners arriving in America, in an effort to improve international waiter-guest relations. As of the date of this letter, I have not heard from the Department of Homeland Security’s Undersecretary to the Assistant Adjunct of Customs Enforcement and Cultural Assimilation’s Office’s Secretary’s Assistant, although the Border Patrol is very interested.

Please Sir, I beg you, do not let this simple lack of education evolve into a further international crisis. Yes, our military are busy at the moment, but after the elections next month, we may have some troops to spare. Do you want to be remembered as the PM who let Britain’s subjects starve while in America, or truly, has the sun set on the British Empire?

Sincerely,
The Waiters of America

PS. Please forward this letter your your pals, the Prime Ministers of Australia, New Zealand, and Canada, as we have similar problems with them, and post this letter in a good location in the Hague’s Bulletin Board of International Notices next time you’re there - the European Union has been slow to adopt our policies as well, and is in need of a gentle reminder. Actually, we’ll deal with the Canadians as we see fit.

Work Shoes!

I work in a restaurant. Although I don't wait tables, we in the food industry are required to wear slip-resistant shoes which is a no-brainer because our back of the house tends to sometimes be slippery with spilt water, grease, odds and ends etc. In all my years of working in a restaurant I have never come across a cute (more important, cute + cheap) slip-resistant shoes. Most tend to be chunky and bulky and fucking ugly!! Not anymore!! Shoes For Crews came out with these super cute and comfortable ballet-type shoes..and I have them!!! No more fugly shoes for work!! If I could wear my own shoes to work I totally would, but if I slip and fall in them I would not be able to claim worker's comp!! Not that I want to get hurt (knock on wood!)




As usual, the pics are crap cos my camera is crap!

Can't Blog...

...too busy watching the rest of the Olympics with all the drama. Will be back next week when it's all over and I'm not doing 12-hour shifts at work...grrr.

The Nerve Of Some People..

I was at work yesterday. One of my many duties is to answer the phones before the restaurant opens up. Whatever. Normal day at work. And then this lady phones wanting to order a cake for a work function.

Bitch: I went on your website and I don't think the cake I want is on there.

Me (Already annoyed because I'm trying to par the safe and this is the 5th call in 5 minutes): Can you describe what it looks like?

Bitch: Well, it's chocolate and it's got nuts on it. I was at the Grand Lux (sister restaurant) and they had it.

Me: (Thinking, then go to the Grand Lux and stop wasting my time, woman.): You mean (so-and so) kind of cake?

Bitch: I don't know, it's not on your website, you should look.

Me: Ma'am, I don't go to the website. (On account that I don't care to)

Bitch: Well, you should then, so you can help someone like me.

Me: (Bitch, fuck off and die.) Well, I don't. (Losing temper as well)

Bitch: You don't seem to know very much, let me speak to a manager.

Me: (Puts her on hold although would like to very much hang up on her ass.)

Stupid, stupid bitch. I hope you choke on that cake.

A Tip If You're Dining Out...Part 1?

It amazes me that some people do not know the proper etiquette when dining out. Not that there's a specific rule that you have to follow when you're eating at a restaurant but there's a generally acceptable behavior (ie civilized) that rules us when we do.

I work in a restaurant in Chicago which is located in a famous landmark, therefore the place attracts a lot of tourists. It is, basically, a tourist trap. It's a decent restaurant, not too upscale that it scares away the suburbanites coming into the city for a day of shopping at Niketown and Filene's Basement, but it's not Popeye's either. I'm not going into details but suffice to say they are a California chain famous for their desserts.

My official position in the restaurant is Operations Support Technician which means I do accounting, financial, human resource-related work as well as various secretarial duties. Occasionally though, I will pick up barista shifts to help out or when I need the extra cash. Nothing strenuous or requiring any amount of brain power, I just make espresso drinks behind the bar and serve customers who are smart enough to figure out that they could get the same level of service there, or better sometimes than if they 're seated at an actual table. And this is when I observe human behavior at it's finest (and worst), at least, when it comes to restaurant etiquette.

The place I work at gets really packed, especially during the weekends and in the summer time. The wait for a table can get up to 2-3 hours sometimes, depending on the size of the party, and they don't take reservations. Several reasons: It's always too busy for reservations, and they get the sort of clientele that won't show up even after they've made one. And since it is a family-style, casual place, there are a lot of kids there. A lot. Screaming, crying kids throwing temper tantrums. Kids running arond like it's their house. I'm generally reminded of a Chucky Cheese. I don't mind any of that but for the reason that since the restaurant can be extremely packed, letting you kid run around the place can potentially be dangerous to them. For example, there are food runners delivering food to tables and the food ain't all cold salads and soda pop. The plates are steaming hot!!! Once I almost dropped a cup of hot soup on some kid who was spinning around on the spot (mind you, this is a crowded place) while his parents were busy talking amongst themselves. Keep an eye on your children if you don't want them drenched in hot soup. And for crying out loud, if you sit at the espresso bar (seven seats, spaced apart enough for comfort) while waiting for your table, please do not let your child play with the silverware that's been set there. Those are for diners, they are not playthings. Do not freak out if your child pokes itself in the eye with a fork, he is not supposed to play with said fork. Please smack him and take away the weapon.

If you're sitting at the espresso bar (MY station) and you order something that requires me leaving the espresso bar (for example you order an alcoholic drink from the other bar), please wait for me to come back with your order before disappearing to God-knows-where. It is rude to leave me standing with YOUR drink that YOU haven't paid for. If your table has been called, please have someone in your party pay for you. We at the bar do not follow the practice of transferring checks to your server, mainly because of how busy it usually is, and there can be up to 30 servers on the shift on any given weekend. You order at the bar, you pay at the bar. And when you tip me for making your espresso drink, please do not throw your 25 cent coin at me like I'm a beggar. Gently place it on the counter. And please do not come round into my side of the espresso bar and touch the espresso machine. It is just an espresso machine, it will not transform into a robot.

One of the busiest sections of the restaurant is the outside patio, especially when it's a gorgeous day out. It's fun, you can people watch, and if you're lucky, Steadman (Oprah's bf) will walk by. The patio has this I'm-sitting-outside-Euro-cafe-style feel to it. Whatever. And since you're outside there are bound to be pigeons hopping about, waiting for scraps of food from the patio guests. Please do not, for crying out loud, feed the pigeons!! They are dirty, disease-carrying city pigeons, they are not carrier pigeons or doves. They are basically rats with wings. If you do not know it, I will let you know right now, pigeons carry cryptococosis, an infection caused by the fungus cryptococcus found in pigeon droppings. I know it's cute, "Oooh I'm feeding pigeons, makes me feel like I'm in Europe," but don't, okay? If you drop a crumb on the ground, fifty pigeons will descend on said crumb, not one. Fifty. Do you want fifty pigeons flocking around you while you're eating your Orange Chicken or Chinese Chicken Salad? I don't. Please smack your kid if they feed the pigeons.

I know it's a little intimidating walking into a completely packed restaurant with no clue as to where the front desk is located. Please ask any of the waitstaff any questions you may have. They have been trained to answer in a pleasant fashion, even if you are being rude and impatient. Please do not swear at us, just because you have been informed that your table will be ready in an hour and thirty minutes. You will be seated in the order of which you have arrived at the restaurant (standard wait time/we-don't-take-reservations shpiel). Please do not take it upon yourself to walk up to the front desk and pick up the chits that have been put there for the front desk runners. You do not work there. Do not touch anything that you're not supposed to. You are not a child, you do not need to be reminded of this.

And so, these are only a few concerns that I'm voicing. I don't want to get into the whole tipping is customary thing, or that the tip is normally around 18%. All the things I've said are common sense, and that any adult should realize they are. They are just things that bug the hell out of me. I'm not saying every guest that comes into the restaurant are stupid and don't have any common sense, only a small percentage of them are. But they still bug the shit out of me. Common sense, that's what's for dinner.

I hate my job..

Sooo....

I work for a multi-million dollar restaurant which boasted the highest profit margins in the company last year, and my boss gets to go to Europe for two weeks as a reward. Meanwhile, I haven't had a raise in 3 years.